Recently my brother Brian made a temporary move to Valdez, Alaska. He has been keeping himself busy by reading, watching documentaries, working out, and tutoring elementary aged children. Brian has also taken a stab at writing political satire, including the following:


“Found across the Earth, the species Environmentalisiana activistensis prefers the habitat of urban areas of wealthy nations. Small migrations occur during the fairweather weekends of summer to outdoor revreation areas. The physiology of the species is similar to ours but has a very distinct psychology. The species relies on food, shelter, and services provided by other species but are often found in conflict with the providers. Battles often occur between this species and the genus Loggeruata and Foresterphylla. All potential associates should be aware of their shrewed nature and sly tactics.”

Brains and wit. Did I mention, ladies, that he’s available? Interested applicants can email me a 500 word essay answering the questions, “why I should be allowed to date your brother” and “why I think Glocks are for sissies.” It may be turned into a reality show if NBC ever calls me back.